Syfer

I had random dreams of you last night… Stuff that I barely remember about us… It’s like a bunch of flashbacks hitting me as if it’s trying to tell me something.

I saw us in my car sneaking out to Mc Donald’s during your grandmother’s funeral, because you didn’t want to eat fresh chicken.

I remembered coming over to your house one day before we were together to watch a movie with you. I kinda sat far away from you and Juliet walked pass saying… "You do know you guys can get a little closer than that!" And so I tried to sit a little closer to you.

I remembered telling you that I got you a black rose a while ago. After I asked for your help in decorating the store for Halloween. I felt bad, because I didn’t like the brain decorations that you got. You said you weren’t going to ever help again. I felt so bad that when I went to the store… I walked past a black rose and wondered if it would be appropriate for me to get you it. I bought it anyway, but never gave it to you until way later. You then told me that we think alike. You got me something too. You got me a marshmallow candy that I said I’d never eat. I cherished everything you gave me and value it too much to throw away.

I remembered chatting with you on the computer… and when you showed me a picture of yourself that I was surprised at, because you looked different. You also told me about how your mom and dad lost their childhood when they gave birth to you. And about how you never want to get married, because you always want to be with your family. You told me you were afraid of change. You also told me that I was scary… and that you were loving… and then I told you… that’s why I like talking to you. I also remember telling you on MSN that I was falling for you. You didn’t tell me whether or not you liked me… for a while. I was starting to feel nervous, because you were still chatting to me. Until finally after a while, you told me that you were falling for me too. But you were telling yourself that it wasn’t right, because you had a boyfriend.

Towards the end I started to cry. I think I somehow realized that this wasn’t real and woke up.

I was looking for new employees for Panda Express at the time. Normally, I don’t really look at the applications I get from Panda’s website. They are usually incomplete when I look at them. However, one day I did look through them and I noticed Juliet applying. I was really looking for full time workers for the store and saw that Juliet was still in school. But, for some reason I didn’t care. I was actually thinking to myself… Wow, I like that name! I then thought it might be ok to hire just one part time worker if they seemed good during the interview.

Juliet came in for the interview and I was thinking… she looks too young to work here. But, she did seem like a good candidate. Very polite and talkative. Towards the end of the interview, I told her I’d give her a call if I decide to hire her. She then mentioned that she had a sister that used to work for Panda. She told me your name and out of the corner of my head. I remembered you. I was so excited after hearing that, I told Juliet that you should come back to Panda. I didn’t think of how I sounded as a professional manager at the time. Until after we started dating, Juliet told me in a joking manner that she should’ve never mentioned you during the interview, because I didn’t hire you until a while later.

Last night, I dreamt of the first time we met…

It was in 2005, in the summertime when I became an Assistant Manager in Panda Express. I was in temporary control of the store in Vancouver Mall during Vion’s vacation. One of my employees, Eizer, just came back from helping out the store in Columbia Tech, the store where you worked at. He is a really funny, but inappropriate guy. Your manager at the time was Hieu, who called us to borrow some supplies from our store. I told him that he’d have to come over to get them. So he sent you to come get the supplies. I told Eizer, who I assigned the task of counting the inventory, to take note of the items that will be borrowed from your store. I told him that you’d be coming to get the supplies. As soon as he heard that you were coming, he told me that you were beautiful. He kept going on about it, but seeing as I was the Assistant Manager. I ignored him.

You arrived at our store after the lunch rush was over. That was when we first met… I handed Eizer the keys to the storage room and had him walk you to it for your supplies. I remember being very curious about you. You never looked directly into my eyes. But just like that… Your presence remained in the corner of my mind. Trying not to look at you, I envisioned you in the corner of my eyes. I remembered that moment up to this day.

It’s been 16 days since we broke up…

I am trying my best not to think of us, but I just can’t help it. You’re the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I sleep. I feel as if you were an angel sent to watch over me until 16 days ago when you have left my world. With every passing day it becomes much harder for me. I thought I have been in love before, but I have never been this much in love with someone ever in my life. I feel as if my mind will soon break from missing you so much. I’ve never cried for someone this much in my life. I don’t know how you do it… I don’t know how you can go on without us being together… It feels like you have always been in my life. When we were with each other, I hardly had any dreams to tell you of. But now that you’re gone, all I’ve dreaming about is you. I wish that I could sleep forever… because when I wake up to realize that I’ve been living in a world without you, my heart breaks every morning.

Gloria… even though you are no longer with me to tell you of my dreams… I hope that one day fate brings you here. I hope that one day God will answer my prayers that I have been sending him every night for you. I will continue to tell the untold dreams that I’ve had since you’ve been gone. I hope that one day your heart will forgive me and fall in love with me like you once did. I love you so much, my love…

I haven’t been getting much sleep lately, but that’s fine. I love my girlfriend. Something great happened today. After a 11 hour work shift, I went to my girlfriend’s great grandmother’s funeral. I got a little lost trying to find the place and ran into what seemed to be a Russian church… I circled around again and finally found it. It smelled like cow on the outside, but that’s because their tradition calls for them to sacrifice cows. I felt very out of place as I walked inside. Everyone was a family member, except me and a couple others. I met an old friend there too. But the great thing was..

During part of the ceremony where direct family members were to bow down while holding this money stack to burn and pass on to the next life, my girlfriend’s dad asked me if I would like to join. I was so scared her parents wouldn’t like me, but after that… I felt so accepted. YES! I was dead tired the next day though. The ceremony lasts overnight. No family members were allowed to sleep, but I stayed up all night with my girlfriend. I just love being with her and I wanted to show their family respect. It was worth it.